Letter to Chinese Ambassador to the UK - Super Hero Xi

 Dear Ambassador Zheng Zeguang

Super Hero President Xi Jinping

What a Great and Superior man President Xi Jinping is. Not only is he the Wisest, most Knowledgeable and magnificent man on the planet,  but he is also the funniest.

I loved his pronouncement that the internet and media should be controlled and censored as he didn’t want Western ideas polluting Chinese culture and ideology. Well, as Communism and Marxism are ideologies that both  originated in the West, and only took hold of China in 1912, I assume his next pronouncement will be to abolish the Chinese Communist Party, as it is a result of Western pollution. A return to good old Confucian values of wise leadership, not stepping out of line etc would be much better for everyone (but mostly him)!

I was also very much impressed by his decree that children should only play on their computers for a maximum of 3 hours at the weekend. What a master stroke and massive demonstration of intellect it is to stop children playing, because it is, after all,  for their own benefit. I’m sure they are all very grateful for being saved from them selves and will grow up thanking and loving their glorious leader even more for turning  them all into non thinking, working automatons, serving the good of the communal ant hill that will be the Chinese State of the future.

May I ask how this enlightened decree will be enforced? If children who spend a minute or more over 3 hours  playing a computer game go unpunished, they will grow up knowing that they can defy and disrespect the decrees of their Supreme and Glorious Leader who knows what’s best for them. A failure to clamp down immediately on such outrageous behaviour, will lead to disharmony, chaos, barourism and the end of 2000 years of Civilisation. Therefore, I assume that such evil children will be swiftly declared enemies of the state and that their heads will be dashed hard against the iron wall forged by the blood and sweat of 1.4 Billion Chinese.  .  

However, If Mr Xi Jinping perhaps sees the folly of this decree, but doesn’t want to lose face and admit that such a wise, perfect and superior President such as he has made a mistake, may I be so bold as to suggest a solution.

This would be to copy the west (as China has done with communism, industrialisation, capitalism, internet, sky scrapers, moon shots, universities, Olympics, CO2 emissions  etc) and invent a superhero computer game with President Xi Jinping as the main character. Why should all the super heroes be American?. Isn’t it time for a Chinese Super hero? Superman Xi could not only have super powers of infinite wisdom, heroic strength and all the usual super hero attributes, but he could also have the power to paste the image of his face all over the place, (so people constantly see how great and good looking he is), the power to brain wash everyone so they all think as he does, and the ability to see everything on the internet and control the media so only his perfect ideology is seen. Obviously the goal of the game is to kill and destroy everyone who has a brain and decides to use it and disagrees with him on any subject whatsoever, which is probably every one else on the planet. How the kids will love it and I’m sure they will be allowed to play it all day if they want.    

If the game is a great success, as I sure you agree it will be, then you could bring out a comic book too.
That would also be very funny!

Yours Sincerely




Trevor Prew  

PS If you wonder why I write to you and think I should mind my own business, then do not worry you are not alone, I also write to the Russian Ambassador and the British Prime minister whose Governments I also hold in complete contempt. I think Putin and Johnson are also hypocrites of the first degree and I, unlike  yourself and 1.4 Billion Chinese people, I’m completely free to tell them precisely that.